Text: Cristina Fontenele*
“We need to bring out the best in people,” the fellow writer I’ve been spending time with over the last week told me due to a series of literary events. He, a born conversationalist, interacts easily with the most diverse audiences, skillfully reducing the invisible walls that stand in the way of dialogues between strangers. With lightness and good humor, he sows good words along the way.
The phrase – “We need to bring out the best in people” – is a valid reminder of how we can see more through the filter of compassion. When we look at a person, is the first type of thought that comes to mind judgmental or curious?
It’s just that, sometimes, there isn’t even time for the other person to introduce themselves and they already receive our invisible label of “good” or “bad”, of “I accept to live together” or “better avoided”.
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We don’t sympathize with everyone, but cultivating a positive notion about others means educating yourself according to the rule of generositywhich results in health and well-being for ourselves. Have you noticed how unwell people have the habit of criticizing quickly, consistently and easily? It is a habit and, as such, it is also possible to reverse it with proper practice.
What if, for every negative sentence about someone, we find an aspect to be praised? It doesn’t always have to be out loud. Well-directed internal speech is capable of reprogramming our brain and, subsequently, our feelings and attitudes.
We live in times of heightened tempers, out of fear, out of caution, out of retaliation. In such a delicate coexistence regarding immigration, imagining that the other is doing the best they can, helps us not to take the whole just for the part. That part that is uncomfortable with any disruption to the supposed myth of the pure and original nation. The portion that usually uses verbs like “save”, “rescue”, “free”, as if there were two opposing forces pulling a rope – on one side the knights of good and on the other the fatal threat.
As the saying goes, it is preferable to “avoid fatigue”. Why get upset unnecessarily and spend time and energy trying to convince, be right, or appear perfect? Wouldn’t it be more reasonable to think that, before us, there are also people with dreams, frustrations, someone who needs to find better examples to act in a new way?
This is what a Brazilian friend who recently started studying History at a Lisbon university has done. She told me that, if before, she responded to each and every comment impulsively, now she has prepared her speeches better and discerned when it is worth being more incisive. Learning that came after a few years of tiredness and motivated by new student interactions.
There are situations where you need to be firm and defend your rights. However, my friend has been trying to consider what she hears and what she responds to, choosing her battles wisely. When he realizes that it is not the time to insist, he saves himself for a future conversation. As a result, he discovered that he gained peace of mind, reduced anxiety and increased empathy.
Who knows if, as we call on the best of others, as my fellow writer suggested, we will also respond to the best of ourselves on the first attempt.
*Cristina Fontenele is a Brazilian writer, specializing in Writing and Creation. Author of “Um Lugar para Si – reflections on place, memory and belonging”, as well as a journalist and publicist. She has been writing chronicles for fifteen years and, like a typical Ceará native, she loves a hammock and couscous with hot coffee.